care, he does.

i got on here the other day reading some friends amazing blogs and realized that i have not posted anything since august. so much has happened . . . most of it hard, ugly and painful, not really blog worthy.

coming back after the summer was exciting and dreadful all at the same glorious time. i love the land and the people. but knew that this was going to be tough in other ways, in me. the Lord in his sovereign will knows what i need, to become who He wants me to be. that alone is my priority. my life is not my own.

my mother always drilled into us as kids that if we had nothing nice to say then to say nothing at all. i have carried this into adulthood and further found value also in the idea of idle words being of no use. and a source of invited judgement upon ourselves in times to come. the spirit of the rule she taught us is true, self control to hold your tongue. the letter of the rule though was done to avoid saying something hurtful and impulsive.

all that said and life with the Lord being the journey that it is . . . there are many layers to this idea. while i am "practicing" the discipline of purity in all things but specifically in my heart and mind, as much as one can (a whole other matter and discussion). i have had the amazement to watch the Lord move and speak on my behalf. this side of holding your tongue, allowing the Lord to be defender, is something that puts me in sheer speechless amazement. our father and his love and protection over His children. this, i did not expect. it makes me more devoted, more loving, more adoring and feel more safe in Him. might be carnal to say that it takes proof of his love. yeah it is, but honest. sometimes in a love relationship, even with the creator and redeemer of the world, you want to feel protected, guarded and watched-over.

some might say that idea makes the Holy Lord, too human-like. those people would be missing something that makes him more Holy to me. He is so aquainted with my needs as a human that he would think to show himself strong on my behalf in such a way, baffles me. it's seemingly so insignificant of a situation and circumstance. why would a Holy God care? But He does, so much.

so again i am humbled to find a reason to say, thanks mom, probably not said enough. you've laid a foundation that the Lord is making sure and strong. because the author of time and love cares, He does.